One Sadhana

Saturday was the video review. My group lead the yoga practice that morning and it went pretty well. Just like Wednesday when teaching the students I didn’t know… when I taught to my peers and teacher I again went blank. Not in a good way this time… No. This time I had little awareness of what I was saying and it made me feel uncomfortable. I got through it, but it wasn’t fun this time.

After class everyone was very complimentary, saying that it came naturally from me. But I’m not so sure.

Watching my peers teach, they seem to be so self-aware. They know what they are saying as they are saying it. They teach slowly. They have great cues and tone and pacing. They make eye contact and seemed to just be very comfortable. Not all of them I guess. But the ones who have experience teaching.

So I asked one of them how she does it. And she said that it just comes with practice. The more you teach and lead the class, the more comfortable you become with being in the hot seat. That made sense and I decided that I needed to just go easy on myself. I have no experience… so I’m bound to hear my heart pounding in my ears more than I hear what I am saying. I will get better. It’s a skill to learn.

Oh, one other thing that the group mentioned as we reviewed the video was that I was pretty monotone. (Which kind of cracks me up because I’m normally pretty animated in my voice.) I think that was just nervousness too.

Learning… Learning…

Our dress rehearsal was last night and in the hour it took me to drive there I think I had two heart attacks and one close call with some pants wetting. I was so nervous. The group of guinea pigs (yoga pigs, as one of my friends says) were all very nice upon meeting them. Some were family members of the other people in my group. Some were students and friends. I brought no one because my person bailed at the last minute (one of her clients went into labor… nice excuse).

We started with an introduction and a welcoming and then got started right away. I had little chill bumps still. I sat in the back and did the warm ups with the class. Then I found myself getting up to make some adjustments with the students. Pushing on hips to lift weight off of hands in Down Dogs… grounding heels for stability in warriors. It was actually pretty easy to see who could use some help and who was doing ok on their own.

I was the demonstratee for the sun salutations and standing poses as Sam did the cueing. And my nervousness seemed to subside as I did the poses and focused on my breath. Sam kicked our butts though and my heart was pounding when it was my turn to start leading.

Then everything went blank. And I couldn’t hear myself anymore… So I don’t remember what I said, but I told some kind of joke and everyone in the room started laughing. The mood lightened up a lot. People relaxed. Softened in every sense of the word. And then I felt much more comfortable with the whole idea of being the teacher. I felt confident and sturdy. (Another lesson that laughter is a good thing in yoga!)

I cued everyone into the apex pose (full king pigeon) and offered modifications for those who wanted them. I offered props. I went around the room and adjusted. I jumped onto my map to demonstrate. And it just really flowed.

And, like practicing with Colin, it was a whole lot easier when I was actually looking at students and seeing what they were doing. Watching them made me know what to cue. If they needed a reminder to breathe. Or a reminder to widen collarbones. Or a remark about energetics or listening to their own bodies. It all came pretty naturally.

I was… am still… shocked at how much I enjoyed it. It was actually fun to teach. And how much I knew! I know that probably sounds conceited, but I’m amazed at the body of knowledge I’ve gained already from my yoga training. How much it’s sunken in… I really didn’t know if I was “getting it” or not.

I’m happily surprised by the whole thing.

The video review is Saturday morning. That’s when I teach to my peers — and my teacher (gulp), which is even scarier than teaching to people I don’t know. Oh, and it’s being video-taped. So additional side dish of scariness.

I do think it’ll be informative to watch the video though. Because I went blank teaching during this dress rehearsal. It just flowed out of me. So I wonder how that translates when looking back on it. We shall see.

One week from today I will be doing a video review for yoga training. There are three groups of four and my group is going first. We volunteered for that spot because we wanted to just get it over with!

Each of us is taking a 20 minute section of an hour and a half class. The first section includes the greeting, pranayama (breath work) and warm-up, followed by a section of sun salutations and heating standing poses, then the apex pose and cool down section (that’s the part I’m teaching) and lastly the savasana, meditation and closing.

We’ve gotten together a few times to create our sequence, try it out to see how it flows and also to time it. And we’ve been working a lot on cueing and language. That’s the part I’m most scared of. It’s so hard! Creating a sequence is no problem. I’m gotten pretty good at knowing how the body needs to move to be warm for an apex pose. And I’m comfortable with the energetics too… knowing how to sequence for a heating or a cooling practice. But I’ve never actually taught a class so I’m most uncomfortable with giving verbal direction to fluidly get someone in and out of the poses. This is an art form. And I have not mastered it yet. Heck, I haven’t even picked up the brush yet.

But. Two nights ago I begged to teach Colin my portion of the class and he agreed. I ran him through some sun salutations to warm up and then I talked him through my apex pose (eka pada rajakapotasana… say that three times fast) and then through the cool down. And surprisingly enough, I felt comfortable doing it! I stumbled a little bit on which side was which, but for the most part I think I did okay. It was so helpful to watch someone do it and respond to them rather than just saying it out loud to myself (which is how I’ve been practicing thus far). Colin went into the pose beautifully, did the modifications I suggested and came out without injury.

Afterward he gave me some feedback to let me know what he responded to the most and suggestions on things I could have done better. He said that he felt good… which was the best! That is the goal, afterall.

I was so excited. I nearly burst out of my skin and bounced off the walls. It just felt good to do something challenging and do it better than I thought I would!

I’m still nervous about the video review, but the whole reason we’re doing it is to get better. My group is doing a dress rehearsal on Wednesday night with friends (most of whom I don’t know)… so we’ll see if I can cue it again comfortably with strangers. It might be a whole different ball game. Fingers crossed it goes well!